Reply to Is my almost-4 yr old "high needs"?

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Reply to "Is my almost-4 yr old "high needs"?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it depends on what would have happened happened if you didn't play with him.

My low need kid, at 3 almost 4, would have chosen to play with me if that was a choice.  But if I'd said "I need to feed the baby" or "I can't play right now, I talking with Ms. Larla" he would have occupied himself happily and safely, either following the older kids' lead, or finding something to do on his own.

My medium need kid, at 3 almost 4, would have occupied himself, but he would have chosen a familiar activity distanced from other kids.  Most of the time, at the playground, someone ended up facilitating to get him to try the equipment, or interact with other kids.  But if for some reason, an adult wasn't available, because we were visiting with a friend or feeding a baby, he would have been fine.

My high need kid at 3 almost 4, might well have run off and play, and ended up needing to be rescued from a piece of equipment he couldn't get off, or bothering the older kids so much I needed to rescue them, or throwing sand.  Or he would have decided that he wanted me to push him on the swing right then, and I would have either needed to push him, or needed to help him manage his frustration about not being pushed, or needed to wait out his minor tantrum about not getting his way.  All of these things would have made it harder to sit and visit with a friend, or feed a baby.

Having said that, I think you're asking two different questions.  One is whether your kid is needier than some other kids.  The other is whether what you describe is typical.  I would say that there isn't enough information to answer the first question, but the second question is almost certainly yes.  There is a pretty wide range of personality that falls within "typical" development.  [/quote]

OP here. Well, the truth is that if we told him no, we wouldn't play with him, he would be upset. But that has to do with a combination of being very attached to us (especially around other people) and just working on patience. We know he likes to have one of us nearby when he's in an unfamiliar setting. The playground counts as unfamiliar even though we go a lot, because the kids are always different. When he was in daycare it was different because once he was used to it, he felt comfortable with the teacher and other kids and if he felt uneasy he could always go play with a specific toy or hang out in a specific area that he knew.

He doesn't do risky things at all -- we actually have to encourage him to try things and usually walk him through it a few times before he'll try it on his own. And he would never bother older kids (way too intimidated). It's more likely that someone would accidentally bump into him and he'd flip out and come running. But I always just assumed this is what kids this age were like -- they need some helping learning about new things, they might be bothered by things that seem scary or threatening. Though it sounds like there's a lot more variation than I though there was.[/quote]

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