Reply to What's a good/healthy/tear-free way for Ex-H to end each visit with DS instead of just sneaking off?

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Reply to "What's a good/healthy/tear-free way for Ex-H to end each visit with DS instead of just sneaking off?"

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[quote=Anonymous]11:34 here.  PP you say, " I wish I knew you in real life."  The thing is you can know me in real life -- I am that family member who might surprise you with my support if only you told me what was going on,  that person from AA support group who has been there and learned something, that 4th therapist you tried that finally "got it," that friend who was not your BFF but listened non-judgmentally when you let a little bit slip, etc.

What I'm trying to say is please get connected in person, especially with other people who have been where you are now.  Where to find this depends on what the problem is.  If substance abuse is part of the problem try Al-Anon.  If bipolar is an issue, get on the support listserv at www.bpso.org -- you will find many of "me" there.  Get a therapist for yourself, not to self-examine/self-blame, but to manage your life with DH's issues.  Read books, take classes, find experts, educate yourself.  Think about it all and take what seems to apply to your situation and adapt it for you.

For a good 2 years I isolated myself dealing with these issues only with DH and his doctors and our therapists.  Unfortunately, I waited until I kicked him out before I started to tell select people what was going on in my life.  When I did, I was shocked by the amazing support I got.   I didn't get to where I am by myself.  (And I'm still not where I want to be.)

You will come out the other side of this crisis.  When you do, pay it forward.

Hugs to you. [/quote]

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