Reply to Dates Wanting to Know What You’ve Done to Work on Yourself or Asking You to Read Certain Relationshi

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[quote=Anonymous]What the heck is this? I had a second date with someone a few years ago who asked about what I had done post-divorce to work on myself. I answered the question honestly because I had done a ton (I had a highly abusive marriage), and the response was, “But have you read the Five Love Languages?” Next! I thought that was just one weird dude.

Now,I’ve been talking with someone and he, too, likes to share pop psychology books with me and asks me to read them and react. While I did mention I had been in an abusive marriage, I did not go into details, which I don’t really like to do. The latest book he sent me is on emotionally focused therapy, the premise of which is that if you each learn to express your needs and see problems as the other person shutting down because they aren’t getting their needs met, then you can fix things. Oh, no, honey. When three psychologists tell you to leave your husband and never go back or you will be killed, no EFT session is going to fix that! I actually found reading the retelling of the conflicts in the book triggering and couldn’t finish. I almost had to call my therapist. The book seemed like it was just a set up to get abused women to stay in abusive relationship and accept their husband’s rage and threats and abuse as signs the wife should work harder to make him feel emotionally safe.

My question is, what the hell? Is this a thing now where people talk about this in early dating? I find this whole thing really, really odd. I’m very tempted not to talk to this guy again, although when I said the book had been very disturbing and I wanted to talk to my therapist, he said we could drop it.

What say you, DCUM?[/quote]

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