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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like people are noting a real increase and obviously it is very hard to age, much time on one's hands and a wandering mind can quickly veer off into self pity, imagined rejections, and just a really negative zone. I can feel the pull to the imagined insult when i don't have enough to do and I am only in my 50's. Also, people over 80 did not exactly grow up in an era of sophisticated mental health and the values of open ness and self awareness. Some did, but some of them are fairly unsophisticated psychologically. [b]Mostly, it looks like if you haven't worked on yourself to be healthy mentally, aging is very, very hard[/b].[/quote]

This. I'm the PP with the narcissistic father. I genuinely feel bad for my parents because they have so few emotional coping skills, as well as a host of just flat out unhealthy beliefs about mental health. It makes them really hard to deal with, but I can also see to what degree they just can't help it.

Something I find really useful in dealing with my parents is learning to detach and think of them as people who are not related to me. It makes it easier for me to have boundaries and also to avoid being hurt by their behavior. It's easier said than done, though. I just lost it at my mom the other day because she said some incredibly hurtful things to me (relating to how hard it's been during Covid and handling work/childcare responsibilities). In that moment, it was just really hard for me not to feel her words as the harsh disapproval of my mother, instead of the uninformed and old-fashioned opinions of an older lady who just doesn't have the proper context to discuss these issues. Very hard. But still, that's what it is.[/quote]

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