Reply to Hearing I Love You way too late

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[quote=Anonymous]Knowing what I know now ... too soon is worse than later. There’s so much more that goes into a good relationship.

That said, if it was a really long time, I might wonder. It could be that they aren’t actually committed or interested in commiting. It could also be a weird control thing. Or it could be a very inflexible way of thinking where they have some weird standard about what “love” means.

At the end of the day, for me, a solid relationship means that my partner doesn’t have any weird hangups or beliefs about relationships that stray really far from culturally expected behaviors. So yes, it would be a red flag if they refused to say “I love you” for a really long time. “I love you” just expresses that you feel happy, attracted, and very attached to your partner - if you can’t say that, for whatever reason, within a fairly standard time period (maybe 6-9 months tops) there’s an issue.

PP’s example of being patient with her aspie husband is interesting. For me personally, that would still be a red flag, because I need more emotional support and can’t be the one doing all the emoting. But I can believe she understood him well enough not to be worried. However, I think men refusing to say “ I love you” is far more often a sign of control, avoidant personality, or lack of committment. [/quote]

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