Reply to Hearing I Love You way too late

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it depends. Is the first person saying it way too soon? Is anyone using “I love you” as a form of manipulation?

I was always very quick to say “I love you”. As I got older, I realized I didn’t love them, it was all hormones and infatuation. I spent the rest of our relationship trying to change them into what I wanted, or I would change my mind and bail once I got to know them and realized I didn’t love them, or they also claimed to love me but bailed when they realized I wasn’t what they actually wanted.

It resulted in a lot of heartbreak and hurt feelings all around, so I stopped saying it so early. Now I’d probably wait a year before saying it.

I’m also very wary of people who say it too quickly. Many use it as a form of love bombing. Awhile back, I started dating a friend of mine and he said “I love you” almost immediately. Soon after, he started showing signs of jealousy and control (asking where I was, implying I couldn’t hang out with my male friends anymore, telling me I couldn’t adopt a pet).

I think the other person needs to be honest and give an explanation why they won’t say it. If they do care about them but just aren’t there yet, they can say so. But if they are on totally different pages - one person is in love, the other wants to be open to other options - they need to be upfront and not lead them on.

Now if someone refuses to say it for a couple years and only says it once their partner wants to leave, yea, it’s too late. And they’re a jerk for using “I love you” as a form of control. [/quote]

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