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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to posters, I appreciate these insights.

To 15:19: do you mind if I ask if your mother voluntarily underwent the therapy that led to her NPD diagnosis?

Clinical definitions of narcissists say they don't acknowledge that they have issues, which is why they generally don't voluntarily undergo therapy, and that's what I generally see happening.

On the other hand, I know someone who I have reason to believe was actually diagnosed as NPD who's utterly self-absorbed, yet has shown he has some understanding that he has hurt other people. This doesn't stop him from continuing to hurt other people, and this has included very violent behavior, but occasionally he's shown remorse that seems to be genuine (although temporary). What's more, I believe that it was on his own initiative that he went through the therapy that resulted in an NPD diagnosis.

What's interesting is that he's married to an NPD who also underwent therapy resulting in a diagnosis because he ordered her. She's done a lot of bad things to people, and hasn't demonstrated remorse. Quite the opposite, she's become furious at the suggestion that she doesn't have the right to behave in abusive and physically violent ways toward people she has authority over. I don't believe she would have gone through therapy if she hadn't been ordered to it.

It seems to me that the difference between these two people is that the wife is highly manipulative, and the husband isn't. So both are NPD, but possibly the manipulative behavior signals or goes hand-in-hand with the refusal to accept responsibility? [/quote]

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