Reply to Estranged Sibling entered rehab for alcoholism and wants to talk

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and right now feel like my answer to his request is that I’m not ready to have this discussion and need more time. I also am taking my wife into consideration who he’s hurt many times with his unprovoked verbal attacks. I’m happy my brother is getting help and would eventually like to have a relationship with him, just not now. For some reason it makes me feel like a selfish monster. [/quote]

I don’t think your reaction is wrong. But if there’s any way you can respond warmly and supportively even while keeping your boundaries that you’re not ready to have a full discussion, I think you would feel like you did the right thing.

In the meantime, try al-anon. [/quote]

I forgot to add - I have been the recipient of an AA apology and it was actually really healing and affirming. It was a much lower stakes situation than yours (ex boyfriend who had done some stalkerish stuff) but I suspect it could be important for you too. So I would not close the door on hearing the apology but you also don’t have to discuss it or invite him to Thanksgiving or forgive him or let him verbally abuse your wife again. You can just listen to what he has to say. Refusing to even listen may be a way to exert power/control/punish ... maybe you are completely justified in that, but do take a minute to really think about your motivations and whether you can be vulnerable enough to listen. [/quote]

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