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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I should clarify that the fight over "nothing" is about the fact that I mentioned that at one point, I paid the bills and therefore, if he wants to hand that task over, feel free.  I copped to being late, I know that was my fault.  For well over a year, the payments were automatic, and it just wasn't on my radar to do on a weekly basis, and I didn't know when the automatic thing was going to kick in so I didn't want to pay monthly, blah blah blah.  I said to him, "damn, I forgot,  I just got an email from daycare."  I know, look, I suck.  I got that.  But he went ballistic that I "took credit" for the task of paying bills online for the time we lived in another city.  Three years ago.  And what came out was a lot of anger and resentment.  So when I say "nothing" I mean the statement that I at one time paid the bills.
I personally don't think that's normal and feel like it's pent up anger and dislike toward me, just waiting for the first opportunity to come out.
I don't think he's an abuser.  I don't think I'm a victim.  [/quote]

Okay, I see in your initial post you wrote that you've been asking him to go to counseling with you for a while, and he won't, so this payment conflict isn't just a "first opportunity" for anger and dislike toward you to come out. Apparently, there've been other opportunities for unpleasantness. It's great that you're not framing yourself as a victim. That's a healthy approach. Your DH's behavior, as you describe it, sounds abusive. You don't think he's an abuser, and maybe he's not. But it does seem like you have a problem, and that you want to do something about it, and that maybe you should do something about it. Good luck to you, OP. I hope everything works out for you, whatever you decide to do.[/quote]

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