Reply to What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, disengage.  Be polite but disengage completely. 
I did the same for my MIL and SIL. Started to send my DH with the kids and the kids soon realized that MIL prefered the other grandkids.  I used the time DH and kids went to visit ILs as my "me time" and I was pretty happy with it.  I would also check up several times with the kids and hubby on phone (and MIL would eavesdrop) and my phone calls would make her defensive and nasty and she would roll her eyes. My kids basically resented her behavior and started calling her 'mean' in front of DH.

My kids are teens and tweens and since they hate going to ILs, they have completely stopped going there.  Thanks to them, my DH is now indifferent to ILs too. He has wised up to how they are nicer to SIL's family.  Yes, he would not have believed me about the microaggressions but he is more willing to listen to the kids.  MIL basically has completely destroyed the relationship and my entire family - kids, DH and me - are now closer to my side of the family.  She is trying to make amends now but it is too late. She lost any relationship with her son and I am not shedding tears for her.  The last time my DH saw them (and they are 20 minutes away) was on 23rd December 2019!

All of this only came about because I very clearly told my DH that I am not willing to have any relationship with his side of the family, but I will be polite.  I excused myself from all gatherings.  My DH was clueless about taking care of our children at his parents home, and probably my SIL and MIL did not like the burden of taking care of my kids and so were invariably short with them.  So it all worked out great in the end!

MIL actually recently cried to her sister about the break in the family and so the sister called me to talk to me about it.  I told her that I have not been in touch with my ILs for more than 7 years and so I have no idea why my DH is not talking to them.   Besides, as the kids have grown up, they have so many ECs scheduled in the weekends that they don't have the time for anything else and my DH is tasked with ferrying them around. Since I am not making the 'family time" happen and carrying the mental burden of holidays, anniversaries, birthdays etc  anymore, my DH seems to be completely unable to handle all of that and my kids EC activities.  So he is never able to coordinate anything with ILs and my kids.  It is delicious to watch.  I don't say anything but I don't help at all.  For me they basically do not exist and I am in a very zen place with all of that.  
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