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[quote=Anonymous]Allow your children to fail. Be supportive and kind when it happens, but don't prevent it from happening. This is extremely hard for upper and UM class parents, especially those of us from challenging backgrounds. We feel the urge to "rescue" are children from hardship. But hardship is inevitable. Instead of trying to avoid it, focus on molding calm, resilience, and problem-solving. If your kid doesn't make a team, gets a bad grade, loses a friend, don't intervene. But show them you still love them, and when they are ready, talk through how to deal with these challenges in healthy ways.

Also, continually check in on how much independence they have and allow them to struggle through things to improve skills, rather than doing it for them. You can provide them with tools and you can provide emotional support, but let them do it. Start now -- do your kids get dressed on their own? Can they get themselves a snack if you aren't immediately available? Do they participate in cleaning up and other chores? Do they help with dinner? Yes, at first this will feel like more work for you. But you need to keep giving them more to do and then giving them space to do it.

Also, avoid perfectionism. Allow them to be "good enough" at stuff. Well off parents often set exacting high standards, and that cripples their kids emotionally and makes them reliant on their parents for help and validation. It's okay for your kid to be just okay at tasks. Let them keep being just okay at it. They may never excel at that skill, but the point is to make them competent. That means not discouraging them and instilling in them a willingness to pursue something even if they aren't the best at it.[/quote]

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