Reply to How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a person who lives in my neighborhood who did some really awful things to me, including spreading a series of nasty lies about me. I have cut off all contact with her and don't even really talk to any of our mutual friends because I view her as dangerous and I just want to stay away from her.

The problem is she live a few blocks away, and I see her and her husband sometimes. It's not enough to where I'd consider moving (like if she was my next door neighbor, I would 100% move without even thinking that hard about it). But it's enough where it feels like a pretty regular reminder of what happened with her -- like maybe once or twice a week.

I thought that with time it would get easier and eventually I wouldn't think that much about it. But it's been over a year and it still upsets me. I just saw her last night outside the grocery store and have been in a funk ever since because I'm dwelling on what happened with her and can't seem to snap myself out of it. I know it will pass in a day or two, but then I also know I'll inevitably see her somewhere and go through it again.

I think a major reason it bothers me is that while I think I made the best choice given the circumstances, some part of me will always feel angry that she "got away" with telling these lies about me. When it happened, I decided I'd rather just not spend time with people who talk behind others back in this way, and also that anyone who believed these lies about me probably wasn't a friend worth having anyway. But it does mean she basically got what she wanted -- she was cruel to me for whatever reason, and I disappeared rather than fight it out because it just didn't feel like a worthwhile conflict to me. So it feels like she "won" even though I don't necessarily feel like I lost anything of real value.

Any advice for how I can deal with these brief glimpses of her without getting upset? I know I need to let it go, as the song says, but I'm obviously having a hard time. Any guidance?[/quote]

Let's just say that you are on their radar MUCH more than they are on your radar, OP. Smile and wave.[/quote]

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