Reply to How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=SRMIII]My therapist's mantra was "you can't make anyone say, feel, thing, or do ANYTHING". Albert Ellis would say that the thoughts you have about her are irrational beliefs. The Stoics would say it isn't what she did, but how you feel about it, that upsets you. It boils down to changing the way you feel, which (according to my therapist, Ellis, and the Stoics) means changing your thoughts about it. It takes practice, I guess. In a way, you could say it's a good thing she lives sort of near you, because you aren't faced with her daily, but she didn't disappear off the face of the earth either, so you get chances to practice without having to over exert yourself.

BTW Ellis' irrational beliefs are:
It is a dire necessity for adult humans to be loved or approved by virtually every significant other person in their community.
One absolutely must be competent, adequate and achieving in all important respects or else one is an inadequate, worthless person.
People absolutely must act considerately and fairly and they are damnable villains if they do not. They are their bad acts.
It is awful and terrible when things are not the way one would very much like them to be.
Emotional disturbance is mainly externally caused and people have little or no ability to increase or decrease their dysfunctional feelings and behaviors.
If something is or may be dangerous or fearsome, then one should be constantly and excessively concerned about it and should keep dwelling on the possibility of it occurring.
One cannot and must not face life's responsibilities and difficulties and it is easier to avoid them.
One must be quite dependent on others and need them and you cannot mainly run one's own life.
One's past history is an all-important determiner of one's present behavior and because something once strongly affected one's life, it should indefinitely have a similar effect.
Other people's disturbances are horrible and one must feel upset about them.
There is invariably a right, precise and perfect solution to human problems and it is awful if this perfect solution is not found.

A previous therapist I had suggested I read him. Ellis pissed me off big time (threw the book at the wall). On the other hand, if you look at the list, a few of those seem to apply to the challenge you face, (Note: it's ALWAYS easier to suggest someone else change their thoughts than to change one's own)[/quote]

Except, I make a reasonable presumption that OP does not need to be "liked" by everyone, and OP is just fine, if not better, without the gossip mongerer in her life.  OP, how well do you even know this person?  If she just has a score to settle, believe me, it will be crystal clear to anyone on the receiving end of her BS.  You don't have to say a thing, really. Sometimes people's reputations preceed them.... all the way from high school... literally. This is to your advantage! BE happy and enjoy your life, it is truly the best revenge.  In fact, this may be what set her off, to begin with ;) [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics