Reply to Another MIL post--how to tell her to be less bitchy to BIL/SIL than she is to us

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Reply to "Another MIL post--how to tell her to be less bitchy to BIL/SIL than she is to us"

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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL is generous and loving with our children and is always willing to help out when we need her.  Unfortunately, I think she has some bitterness about the way her own life has turned out, and that sometimes translates into her making negative comments that come out bitchier than I think she intends.  She is particularly critical about our childcare choices and how we feed our kids, and she acts as if she was a perfect parent and made all the right choices.  This is blatantly not true, but if it makes her feel better to think it is, that's fine with me.  DH and I are pretty secure in our choices and not big on drama, so we usually just smile and change the subject and vent about it privately later.

DH's brother is several years younger than we are and is married to a woman in her mid-20s.  SIL is great but she tends to be a bit touchy and often perceives slights where none are intended.  She also nurses REALLY long grudges.  DH's brother is kind of the same way.  He's not scary or violent or anything, he just tends to get defensive, and he is very protective of his wife.  They are a little exhausting but they're family and we love them.

Now SIL is pregnant, and apparently MIL has already started making judgments that rub her the wrong way.  For example, SIL's registry included pacifiers, and MIL made some choice comments about "putting a plastic PLUG in MY grandson's mouth."  I would have rolled my eyes and laughed it off but SIL is more sensitive.  I can tell already that BIL/SIL's parenting is going to be a lot different from what MIL thinks is best, and if MIL doesn't start thinking a little harder about what comes out of her mouth, especially in the hormonal first days after the birth, I can guarantee there's going to be a battle royale.

DH is very close with his mom and brother/SIL and really wants things to go well.  He has talked to his brother about it but he also wants to talk to his mom before the birth.  This was his idea and he's going to do it, but he needs some "coaching" to communicate this in a way that is both clear and diplomatic.  What's the right way to say this?  MIL is super sensitive too, of course.  Should I just discourage him from saying anything at all and just let the chips fall where they may?      [/quote]

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