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[quote=Anonymous]It's been over a year of infidelity with various promises and relapses in between and my husband still will not say why he did this. He says he doesn't know and is getting help. Which with his therapist first includes dealing with a host of mental things and other questions and monitoring apparently before they also get down together and discover why this happened. Which makes me feel like it will be another year before he "knows" why he did this. Uggh. It's just that it's exhausting and it leaves me completely in limbo. He says I should just wait and obviously he cares because he's getting help.

Another post had these four rules for their own mental health dealing with trauma and I'm trying to get there and forget about dealing with the reason infidelity for now but it's really hard. It makes me feel like I'm not living an honest life.
1. Establishing and maintaining appropriate boundaries
2. Accepting reality/knowing that I am unable to affect change in him
3. Being present in my day to day life; not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future
4. Taking responsibility for my own mental health and needs - this is largely a self-care thing

I was just curious if this is a typical tactic of therapists to just move forward and not really dwell on the why of what happened. If there are therapists who do discuss this, I'd love recommendations and/or how they went about transitioning to this type of discussion.[/quote]

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