Reply to Anyone have a DH that’s just combative all the time?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He always wants a fight, he seems to hate my guts. If I say he hurt my feelings, he’ll say he doesn’t care and call me a baby. He seems to delight in rejecting me, letting me know he doesn’t give a crap, but when I’ve had enough he says he doesn’t want to divorce. What is this?[/quote]

This was my life, only when I directly confronted him after he would claim he was sorry, didn’t hate me, and would change. He never did. Until I decided it was over. Then he did a 180–but the thing is that at that point: 1) I was truly done (because unlike him I didn’t want to play games) and 2) he’s so manipulative that it was most likely just another version of that manipulation. We recently divorced and while it’s still hard, it’s also unacceptable to spend the next 40-50+ years with someone who views that as ok at any level. I realized it wasn’t even about getting him to change at that point, but the fact that he was ok repeatedly abusing me without caring at all about the impact on me. He never truly loved me. If you love someone, you don’t take joy in hurting them. He only loved what I did for him.

We do have two young kids, by the way, and they are managing well. All his behavioral changes to “prove” he wasn’t the bad guy and it was all made up now have him acting as a good coparent. It’s still very sad and hard for me at times because it’s never what I wanted (and says a lot about me and the inner work I needed that I not only chose someone like that, but stayed unquestionably for over 20 years), but I also feel more peace than I ever did before, so I’m letting that be my guide.

Best of luck. [/quote]

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