Reply to Sibling Has Sadly Low Expectations for Nephew

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MYOB. It sounds like they are doing evidence based therapy to deal with aggressive behavior - which absolutely would involve praising incremental improvements like voluntarily giving back items without hitting.[/quote]

That is very helpful to know.  I was not aware of that.[/quote]

DP. I’m sure it is hard and unpleasant to spend time with your nephew, but do understand that the current recommended practice for modifying behavior like this in kids with many kids of special needs is to ignore bad behavior (literally) and praise good behavior. This method works, but it takes time and is incremental and incredibly frustrating for everyone. It also looks an awful lot like terrible parenting from the outside, which can be a heavy and lonely load for parents to carry. That your sibling is presumably using this method indicates your nephew has a diagnosis of some sort and they are getting professional guidance. I’d offer them as much love and support as you can.

As for your own kids, I’d take them aside and say something like “what Johnny said was not nice. It hurt your feelings. Maybe he’ll say sorry later. He must be having really big feelings right now, so let’s leave him alone for a while.” Language age dependent, of course. But in private reiterate your belief that unkindness isn’t okay, express concern for your own kid’s feelings, and give a little window into the fact that your nephew doesn’t enjoy feeling like this - believe me, he doesn’t. Good luck![/quote]

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