Reply to When marriage therapy brings out deep issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Doesn't sound like it's really about whether you actually cheated. It's about how that relationship made him feel -- and those feelings may well not be your fault. (Though they could be -- don't know about your relationship.)

The fact that he never let you know how he felt might go a long way toward explaining how he could feel that way for this long. I wouldn't go into the process feeling hopeless just because his feelings are of such long duration. Now that it's out in the open, maybe he can figure out the real source of his insecurity and, if it's self-inflicted, work on himself. If it's something you're doing or not doing, maybe you can work on that. (For example, even if you weren't cheating - maybe you aren't showing him how important he is in a language he understands.)

As to how you work on deep issues - it's like they say about eating an elephant: one bite at a time. [/quote]
This is really helpful and makes sense, thank you. I said I didn't realize it was magnified so much in his mind and heart and I acknowledge that -- even though I never did what he suggests -- it was his perception and that means it felt like his reality. I mean I'm not mad that he said what he said, and I told him I don't see it as an accusation, but it is confusing to try to understand.[/quote]

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