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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Last week my middle school DD said some harsh (curse) words to another girl (first incident). Very irresponble and immature of her!

The other girl reported her through a bully investigation form. I was called; school did an investigation and found my DD guilty. School informed other parents of the incident in such a way that my DD's friends know of the incident and her as the bully without all the details. So, yesterday she had a hard time responding to others who assumed the worst things she did. I am mad at her actions (so trying to act tough), but also conflicted with feeling that the school should have protected my DD's identity (feel bad that she is the subject of ridicule at school now beacuse of one incident).

How do I handle it, without looking like condoning her mistake?[/quote]

OP, I wouldn't assume that the school didn't protect your DD's identity.  The school can't stop the other girl from talking and I would bet that's how it became known that your DD was the perpetrator.  Also, given that her consequence is to sit in an assigned seat for three weeks, I'm not sure how the school could have protected her identity.

I know you feel that this is an example of zero tolerance gone awry. But, middle school is known for kids getting out of control with bullying and the schools need to take a hard line.  I also don't believe you provided us with enough information to conclude that it was zero tolerance gone awry - such as did your daughter yell at a timid kid who has been a prior victim of others.  Or is your daughter threatening in any way.  Or is she much bigger than other kids so that her words would come across as scarier.

So that leave you with where to go from here.  If I were in your shoes, I'd call the guidance counselor.  I've received excellent advice from them in helping to navigate MS situations that arise.  Or, if you have a trusted assistant principal, he or she might be a good person to speak with.  Your daughter is not the first person that they will have seen in this situation.

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