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[quote=Anonymous]That's a tough situation -- seems to be an example of one of these "zero tolerance" policies gone awry.  We need to protect victims of bullies but we need to also assess what's going on, address behavior, and not label kids permanently.

Did the school inform the parents of the other girl, or multiple "other parents"?  How did the other kids find out?Are there consequences for your daughter imposed by the school?  Did a counselor speak to both girls or otherwise intervene?

I think I would talk to my child about her actions and words and how she can make it right through an apology, etc.  The sooner she can face up to her own actions and accept responsibility,  the sooner she and the other girls can get past this.  Maybe you could help her with a ready response to the others who assume the worst -- "I said some mean things to X, I made a mistake and I've apologized.  X has accepted my apology so let's move on."

My child made a similar mistake as a fifth grader and we were horrified at his behavior.  It was uncharacteristic and he immediately was regretful.  The school imposed punishment at the request of the parents that we thought was out of proportion and harsh, so it was hard to walk that line of making our son complete his punishment and show our support for consequences without contributing to the shame and disproportionate reaction that came from the school.
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