Reply to Everything is Difficult with my Seven Year Old Daughter

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP--that dynamic sounds exhausting.  My almost 9 year old DD can be difficult, too, albeit in somewhat different ways.  What's helped us the most is balancing maintaining a connection to her while also holding boundaries.  No Drama Discipline might be really useful for you; overly punitive approaches don't work, IMO.  Can you set aside dedicated time each week just for her, like a special night or walk outside with one or both parents (realizing the latter might not be feasible right now)?

Other things that have really helped us: praising the heck out of positive things she does and (this is key) us not reacting too harshly when she's being difficult.  It's harder for DH than me, but if I can at least stay calm, that makes a huge difference in helping her settle down.  I also second the recommendation for PEP.  Other books that have helped: Untangled, Whole Brain Child, Parenting the Defiant Child (or whatever Kazdin's book is called--different approach to the others, but potentially worth a read from a purely behavioral perspective).

Good luck.  It really can be exhausting, especially during a pandemic.  Don't give up on her and don't assume her life will be hard or she'll always be like this.  Some kids take longer to develop kindness and empathy, but they can--and the fact that it's not her default doesn't mean you did anything wrong.  Kids are wired differently, though I fully appreciate how rough it can be on parents of difficult kids to help them be their best selves.[/quote]

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