Reply to Women in your 30s/40s: what do you look for in a friend?

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[quote=Anonymous]I've thought about this a lot recently, because this is a lonely time in my life.  Most of my friends have moved to other parts of the world, I'm not seeing local friends because of covid, etc.

I think friends need some shared experience.  It can be a hobby, having kids, being neighbors, going to church, or working together (work is the least ideal).  For example, I have a lot of childless friends and I try not to discuss my children much around them, but my children are a huge part of my life and how I spend my time.  Friends need something in common to talk about.

I like to stay in touch by text.  Phone calls are fine sometimes, and getting together in person was hard even before covid.  My "favorite" friends are those I can send a quick text too twice a week to stay in touch.  IME this means close friends with a history, so that we both feel okay with a quick text exchange and we have some shared context for it.

A lot of my currently active friendships are with people I've known since childhood, or high school at the latest.  In college and my 20s, I was sort of annoyed with those childhood friendships and really invested in the intense and seemingly deep friendships of my college and early career years.  But now we've grown apart, usually after people moved to different areas, and I've circled back to those older friendships.  I have some more recent friendships that were based on local activities like church, and I like those people but I don't feel confident enough to press them for their time right now.

Combining friend groups has always been stressful.  I prefer one-on-one or small groups.

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