Reply to Women in your 30s/40s: what do you look for in a friend?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I definitely care more about "close" friends than just having people to hang out with. I get annoyed by shallow friendships at this point because I already have too many social obligations from family and work, so socializing for its own sake doesn't interest me that much. I also prefer one-on-one friends to both friend groups and couple friends. I think friend groups inevitably create jealousy and drama, and my husband and I already have way too many couple friends.

I used to expect a lot more from my friends and would be hurt when they didn't show up for me in a difficult time. But now I'm in my 40s and understand more how tough life can be and that you never know what's going on with people. I am much more forgiving of friends now, and now understand that sometimes people are just trying to set healthy boundaries for themselves (and that I need to respect those boundaries if I care about those friendships).

I also appreciate my friends in a different life situation than me more with each passing year. Women so easily fall into competition and when I had kids, I quickly discovered that my least favorite friends were the ones whose kids were a year or two older than mine, because I felt like they were constantly trying to "teach" me how to parent or how to balance work and kids and it got exhausted. Spending time with friends who didn't have kids, or whose kids were much older, freed me from that dynamic and made it easier for me to enjoy our time together.

My core friends are all people I met in my 20s. But I have definitely collected friends throughout my 30s and 40s and I like having a mix of people in my life because they all know me in a different way and it makes me feel more well rounded.[/quote]

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