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[quote=Anonymous]This is what I wrote when someone else asked the same question.

No one has a kid because they like snot, poop and lack of sleep. And the daily grind that parents complain about would make any non-parent questions whether or not to have a kid. Yet, so many people do it and love being parents.
 
So how do you decide?
For me, the daily grind filled with snot, drool and poop did not seem appealing. And I like my sleep. I mean, I really, really like my sleep. But I imagined my life at 65. What did it look like? Did I have a remodeled kitchen and a wall filled with travel pictures? Did I run for spot on the local school board? Or did I see pictures of kid events, shelves filled with trophies (even the silly ole participation ones) and old sharpie marks on the walls that I’d never gotten around to painting over?
 
For me, my future-self wanted a messier life with a grown child, than a life without one. Could my husband and I been happy if we couldn’t have a child? Yes, I think we would still have had a full life. But given a choice, I’d take the life with a kid in it.
 
But if you look at your life at 65, will you regret not traveling to exotic locations? (Not impossible with a child, but much harder and more expensive.) Or unhappy that wouldn’t have been able to go further in your career. Or maybe you’d be resentful that you had to give up a favorite hobby.
 
This is about if you can devote your life to something bigger than yourself. You are looking at how do I give back to my community? This is why some people who don’t have children, get very involved with a cause. You can do this and also have kids. But for many, kids give you a sense of higher purpose and they don’t feel the need (or have the time) to be involved with a cause like animal shelters or local politics. The question you have to answer is: what is the best way for me to fulfill the need to be a part of something bigger? Through children or will being active in my community/causes be enough? 
 
If at this point you haven’t completely ruled out kids, then you have to decide if you, your partner and relationship can handle the daily grind. Do you share the load evenly? Do you work as a team? Does your job/career allow you some flexibility to handle the unpredictability of kids? Or can at least one of you pick of the slack? And is that person okay that their career will be on the back burner for a few years? Can you juggle the craziness that comes with kids? (If you or your partner need to have control or order, kids may not be the best idea.) Can your marriage handle it if sex goes on the back burner for a little while?
 
As you are contemplating this, explore what your unconscious beliefs about what motherhood (or fatherhood) looks like? Do you unconsciously believe that you have to cook only the healthiest organic foods every meal, never look at a screen again and give up your every desire to raise a child? Maybe it’s not Motherhood you aren’t sure about. Maybe it’s the stereotype of MOTHERHOOD that you think you must live up to. Children survive just fine on frozen chicken meatballs and even an occasional McDonald’s French fry. Screens, in moderation, are fine. Friend of mine decided day 1, no boob for baby. The idea of breast feeding was just not for her. Her kid is still awesome and she is still a great mother. It's possible to have a life, keep your identity and be a parent. So separate out what you think you *have* to do vs what kind of mother/father you realistically will be.
 
 And  before ruling out kids forever, you should know—the feeling you get from them is the most amazing feeling ever! I don’t think parents talk about it enough. And I’m not sure if every parent feels it, but for me it’s like that first-time falling-in-love feeling you got at 16 times 1,000. The world would be a better place if everyone had to listen to baby giggles every day! And when your child smiles the biggest smile or runs up to you when they see you, OMG, it’s the best feeling ever. Those feelings, make up for all the snot, drool, poop and lack of sleep.
 
After all that, if you (or anyone) decides not to have kids, that totally okay. The world need both parents and non-parents.
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