Reply to Toddler not adjusting well to nanny being back

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[quote=Anonymous]So, my guess is that your DD feels that her beloved nanny abandoned her -- and she's now expressing her anger and her fears as best as she can, without the language skills or the emotional wherewithal to do much more than convey how upset she is now. If I understand this correctly, she has now also lost the babysitter that she clearly enjoyed being with, and, to top it off, when she's with the nanny, her parents disappear.  She's dealing with a LOT of losses, and the return of her nanny must be confusing -- and tinged with the possibility that she could disappear again.  This is a LOT for a young toddler to deal with -- especially without the language skills or sense of time that would support an older child.

It sounds like the nanny is doing a great job.  I have no idea how long it will take for your daughter to trust that the nanny will continue to return each day -- but I'd measure it in weeks to months vs a couple of days.  I also think it could be a good idea to put in place some routines that include your daughter, the nanny and yourself -- such as taking five minutes to discuss future plans and maybe even put them on a calendar -- so your daughter can experience having both of you in her life at the same moment, and can perhaps begin to get some support from the sense of planning for the future.  So today you can plan for her to decorate cupcakes with the nanny.  Then, tomorrow, you can both remind her that 'TODAY" will be cupcake day -- just like they talked about Yesterday.  She's not likely to understand the calendar or even today/tomorrow -- but she can grow to understand and trust that the things that you and the nanny say will happen actually do.

Since it sounds like you both trust and like the nanny, and the nanny sounds wonderfully patient, I think it should take as long as it takes.

IE: How long would it take you to adjust to the abrupt departure of a central loved one from your life?  How would you feel if they abruptly -- and capriciously -- returned?  How much worse would it be if you didn't have the language skills to talk out and understand some reasonable explanations?  It sounds like your daughter is handling this emotionally laden confusion and multiple losses with all the aplomb that one could reasonably expect from a young toddler. [/quote]

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