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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Very similar experience. My parents overreacted and were short tempered a lot of the time when I was growing up. I think I repressed a lot of the memories of childhood until I had my own kids and found myself struggling to deal w the day to day challenges of having kids. Then I found myself acting the way my parents did, hated it, couldn’t understand why I was acting that way, had a revelation that that was how I was raised, and now am actively working against those natural tendencies to be a better, calmer parents for my own kids. Reading books about being an adult child of emotionally immature parents has helped. In the moment, trying to see things from my kids’ perspective, focusing on the kids and their feelings and motivations rather than on my own feelings or expectations of the kids has really helped me to empathize with my kids and help them cope with the big emotions they have. it helps me remain calm and patient and really listen to them.

Ive heard so many people comment that having kids made them appreciate their parents much more but it actually had the opposite effect on me. I didn’t even realize how much pain and hurt I had leftover from childhood until I had kids and I never really analyzed my parents’ parenting before but now that I have, I realize how much I want to make sure I do differently as a parent. I try really hard not to be resentful or blame my parents but just to focus on myself and my kids.[/quote]

OP here. I have read those books too! So eye-opening. I recommend them to everyone, even people who didn't experience emotional neglect, because I think they teach you so much about why people are the way they are.

I have the exact same feelings about my parents since having kids. I have worked on trying to be more forgiving/accepting of their behavior because they were very young when they had kids and are both products of traumatic childhoods. They didn't mean to create an abusive family -- they honestly did not know any better. But becoming a parent has exposed all kinds of anger towards them that I didn't even realize I had. It has been challenging to surface that at the exact moment when support from family would probably be most helpful. But yes, my focus is on not repeating those mistakes for my kids. I am very grateful that I had kids at a time in my life when I have the maturity and emotional distance to do that.

Hugs.[/quote]

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