Reply to Oldest son has a lot of animosity towards middle son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My family had similar dynamics as in younger two siblings getting along well, oldest neutral to the youngest, but I was like your oldest towards the middle.   NOw that I am away from all of them physically, I can now understand the part of the reasons why I’ve acted the way it was came from mother’s constant criticism and denial about anything I did. It was so hurtful. Maybe there was a reason for mom to be so hard on me, but I was very much done with mother by age 16.   BY then. I’ve grown not to trust her (I loved dad but if he intervened between me and sibling, mom got upset with dad).  I probably needed her attention and care when I was little but not when I was at 16. Why would I listen to someone I don’t trust?

With COVID, it gave all of us a legit reason not to see each other. So, no communication what’s so ever between me and the rest of family now.  The siblings and mom are fully engaged with each other but I am excluded intentionally or unintentionally from them.  I think it is true about what a poster above says, when your oldest leaves home, he will likely distance himself from OP and the siblings.

What I would have liked from my parents back then? Well, first stop criticizing me, for once be positive and supportive for me (dad always, mom never), stop negative campaigns on me in front of siblings/extended family/mutual friends, be fair in how you treat siblings because mom did not treat them like she treated me.  I grew up thinking “why always me, me , me” (I take that maybe I was a difficult child, that difficult child was the first born and mom being a young inexperienced mother, she needed to act the way she did).

Now, it doesn’t matter because I learnt a hard lesson over the winter holiday just before COVID, how mom and the siblings are viewing me in a extreme negative way. I don’t have any recourse with them, but OP and oldest son may be able to salvage and renew a relationship.  Good luck.[/quote]

This is my family except two kids.  We live close to my parents and I don't remember the last time we saw them and I talk to them maybe every few months.  [/quote]

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