Reply to Adjusting unrealistic expectations with grandparents as a mom

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[quote=Anonymous]I guess I am not really sure what you are asking OP. It feels like you have already adjusted your expectations for your MIL, even if you still feel a bit sad about her lack of involvement.

Do your parents or MIL live nearby? It sounds from your description that your parents are nearby but your MIL may live further away. This can really impact parental involvement. My parents are extremely involved in my nieces and nephews lives but only see my kid once or twice a year. It is simply not possible for the to be more involved. They certainly don't know things like my kid's teachers names or follow every interest. It doesn't bother me because it was my choice to live far away. Personally I prefer having more distance as I think my parents can be very difficult to deal with when they are very involved. I think my siblings sometimes wish they had more breathing room.

Another factor may be age. My MIL is about a decade older than my parents and is a widow. She just has a harder time initiating involvement or accomplishing it. She's someone who needs a lot of facilitating. That's just how it goes. We do our best to provide it when we can, but we also accept that she isn't going to be the sort of grandmother to just take our kid for an afternoon or be able to sit down and talk to our kid or play for any sustained amount of time. We accept it and move on. That's just how it goes.

Our kid has two parents who are completely invested and love her. She also has extended family that can offer a more varied picture of the world for you, other adults who can have other kinds of influence on her. We know our influence is the most important, but we think that variety is good. She is learning that people are different and you can't expect the same thing from everyone. Thankfully she is doing that in a very safe and supportive home environment. I'm not sure you can ask for much more than that, really.[/quote]

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