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[quote=Anonymous]Yes the term is family scapegoat and these roles have been built in for so many years that its hard to change but not impossible at least for you anyway, your family will not want this to change.

I am the scapegoat, my sister is the favourite.  I have been told to my face that I was the difficult child amongst other things.  My mother naturally gets along better with my sister than me and it's an unpleasant relationship between us.

I have found limiting time with them has helped, texting only as my mother won't text put downs in the written word - others can read that, she will usually just do that in person.

I also had to work out my role in it all.  Generally we are programmed to react a certain way.  I would get upset and angry over things that were justified in being angry about however they would just point at me and say "there she goes again getting upset being difficult",  it never occurred to them that they wouldn't treat my sister that way which is why my sister never got upset.

I started seeing them only when I was in the right frame of mind to deal with them.  If they started talking about something that would trigger those emotional conversations I stopped engaging.  I keep it bland and neutral, don't show any emotion, I don't tell them what is going on in my life.  For instance my parents, sister and BIL all went out to dinner as a family after my grandmothers funeral, I wasn't invited.  Rather than talk to them about it, I just acknowledged it myself and showed them no emotion and then created more space and protection for myself.  Of course at other times I would have thought a dinner is nothing but after a family funeral it definitely felt off.

Op not many people have their family come live with them.  You are not selfish.  You are protecting yourself.  Learn to fill your life with things you enjoy, your families opinion of you is exactly that, their opinion and they will get you to feel pressured to do things to make their life easier, otherwise it may fall on them.  That's what the scapegoat is there for, for the family to have someone to blame for all the problems without taking any responsibility themselves.  You can reject that role and I suggest you do.[/quote]

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