Reply to Need some perspective -- is my husband being uncaring or am I being too sensitive?

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[quote=Anonymous]Married 20+ years with three adult children. Recently found out through my oldest child that my youngest was violently raped over a year ago. But she didn't want me to know so I wouldn't worry and so I haven't talked to her about it. When I told my husband, he didn't say very much -- just some offhand comment about killing the guy. Meanwhile, I am have been having a hard time sleeping thinking about what she experienced and concerned that she is not getting the help she needs. Oldest child tells me she is isolating from others and suspect she is self-harming.

I've been really depressed about this and worried about her. So yesterday I started to tell him how I am concerned about her and wanted his advice on how to best help her given that I am not supposed to tell her that I know. He responds with nothing helpful at all and tells me I am negative all the time and I need to be more positive and I need to focus on fixing myself, not her. He said you just want me to be as miserable as you are. I said I guess I just need to keep all my concerns to myself then. He said yes, that would be a good start.

I have no one else to talk to about this and feel very betrayed that he doesn't seem to be concerned about our daughter, and that he sees me depressed/anxious and just wants me to snap out of it so I can be more pleasant to be around.

We have had lots of difficulties throughout our marriage, but the stress of the pandemic and the news about our daughter seems to have put me over the edge. And I am feeling worse because I feel no support from the one person who should care.

Not sure how to I go on from here since this has been a pattern in our marriage for so many years. This one just feels like a dealbreaker, but I can't tell if I am just depressed and being overly sensitive or if I need to wake up to the fact that my husband is just not ever going to give me the emotional support that I feel like I need.[/quote]

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