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[quote=Anonymous]My father was diagnosed with Alzheimers 10 years ago. He's been in mid-stage for years, but in the past several months, he's declined quickly towards end stage (having issues with hygiene, doesn't feel thirst or hunger, wanders constantly). The problem is that his caregiver, my mother, seems to be in total denial. She's complaining that she has to monitor him 24/7, that he wanders at night and she gets no sleep, that she has to help him with activities of daily living, etc. Meanwhile she's maintaining a busy lifestyle of volunteering, church activities, and other social events.

I've been visiting often this summer to help with her house, declutter, give her some respite from caregiving. I've also offered to hire in-home care, hire housecleaners, look at memory care facilities. All offers of hiring help are refused. However, she accepts any and all help I offer while I visit.

I know I have a tendency to "help too much" so I'm trying to pull back and set boundaries. (I have a spouse and kids, and I live 3 hours away.) Recently she asked me if I had any recommendations for security systems (door alarms to prevent wandering) and I said I didn't. I felt bad but I just returned from a week-long visit of constant complaining and I've had enough.

[b]Has anyone else gone through this? When a caregiver likes to complain but doesn't want to do anything about it? [/b]She has the money, ability, and network to hire care but she won't. I feel like if she really wants to maintain her current lifestyle, she needs to hire in-home help or put him in a memory care facility.

Thanks for any and all advice![/quote]

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