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[quote=Anonymous]Believe me I have read the books, posted on message boards, spoken with experts, but girlfriend won't move. Her home is not set up for the elderly. The steps are frightening for us and we are mobile and in shape. There is a bathroom downstairs, but to put in a bathtub would involve a remodel she refuses. So this is what I am thinking. Have her stay there even when she requires 24 hour hired help. She will just have to get sponge baths. We install safety bars in the bathroom and a hospital bed can be placed downstairs. She will have to hire a driving service once we take away the car keys because she is the backseat driver from heck and after dealing with a MIL who did this we quickly decided you use a service and drive them nuts. If she injures herself at home, at least it happened the way she wanted. If the hired help doesn't show one day, I cannot fill in. If something happens, once again, she is living life on her terms. I cannot argue. I cannot gently coax anymore. I am depleted. I already went through years and years with other parent and in laws. Somehow she still passes a cognitive screen so I have to respect that she is supposedly of sound mind. She has been functionally paranoid her whole life and if she makes accusations of people stealing from her we can look into it and get the police involved, but I am not doing the revolving door of caregivers over and over. She doesn't play well with others.

If I force a move it will be endless temper tantrums and any ailment will be blamed on me, She will call any living relatives to start drama about how horrible I am. At some point it's just not worth it. Dammed if I do, dammed if I don't.[/quote]

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