Reply to If you have a spouse with an incurable and serious or terminal illness

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[quote=Anonymous]I am the spouse.  Give space when needed.  Let the spouse decide what s/he needs.

In my case,

1) I did not want my father involved; wife said I need family; father came in for my major surgery, he could not sleep the night before, and took meds (he is a physician, and prescribes his own meds).  Meds looked like he was having a stroke.  So, my support system suddenly was dealing with my father when I woke up.

2). There were a few reasonable things I aways wanted to do.  Let me do them.  They might not be zero cost, but if we could afford it....  those were:
 --- moderate sports car (like at Mustang GT Convert), leased.
 --- attend spring training (so fun)
 --- a room full of working girls (Just kidding)

3) Understand I will be moody.  I was in my early 50's and not ready to die.  Understand I do not want to think long term.  My timeline was the date of the next scan.

4) I may not sleep...I may be depressed and angry.  I do not have permission to take it out on you.

5) This is my story not yours.  If you want to talk about your perspective, please do, but understand I may not want to hear about your fears of raising a kid alone.  I want to be there and won't.  If I have to worry about your emotional state, I am not taking care of mine.

Now, what you need to do to protect yourself is to make sure, in my short term thinking, I still pay the bills, in particular, the life insurance.  If I want to talk finances and plans, let me.  It might be difficult for you to hear that I may not be here, but me knowing that you will know what the situation in made it easier.  In my case, my spouse would not have the conversation.  I finally had it with my sister and my FIL.  I needed to know that DW would plan for DD's college, etc.

Now a few things you need 
[/quote]

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