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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a sister who is mean, manipulative and has done some incredibly vicious and hurtful things to our extended family.  After decades of hoping she'd mellow out and change, she is now in her 60s and seems to be getting worse. She always has to have someone who is her "target" and this year it's become my turn - again.

But this time it is different for me because I've decided that I'm not going to play into it anymore, and I've come to peace that if I never see her again it's OK with me. In the meantime, she is making it difficult for other siblings and family members because she turns it into a "me against her" kind of thing, which is difficult to deal with.  (I know because I've also been in the middle when she's done this with others and she is VERY nasty in the things she says about people - to include their spouses and children. Anything and everything in people's lives is open to her vitriol.)

The most difficult part is trying to navigate this with the rest of the family because it is so damaging to us all. The best I can do is avoid even mentioning her name in conversation or change the subject when something about her comes up.

Wondering if anyone else has been in this position - especially at this stage of life - and how you've dealt with it.  You would think that after doing this dance her whole life, my sister would have tired of it by now and gained some introspection about her behavior but if anything, she's worse than ever.  Which to me shows that she will never change, she is an evil person and my life is better without her in it.

Warning to those who think that nasty people (even siblings) can change with time...[/quote]

My sister is her most manipulative and crazy when unhappy and despite her achievements, she is a very unhappy and lonely person. My parents got feedback on her antisocial, condescending, arrogant and alienating behavior throughout her life from elders, teachers, etc and they chose to shoot the messenger. When my brother and I became her targets they saw her as the victim excluded by her siblings. My brother has since passed away and now I swear the fact I am happily married and have a good relationship with my kids makes her want to destroy me the way she tried to destroy her ex. She used to use her kids as paws to get closer to us. She had throw fits to grandma about missing their cousins which made grandma throw fits at us. Now her kids hate her and the cousins I think will become closer when they are adults.She has absolutely become worse and worse with age except for when she hits rock bottom and goes on antidepressants. I can have a relationship with her when she is medicated. Our extended family gets dragged in and until they are burned they see her as the victim. She is estranged from one side because she got too close and comfortable and she used them and started dramas with their spouses. The other side embraces her as a victim and gets sucked in.

I have faced much backlash from detatching, but it has kept me from sane. She finally did something horrible enough that it convinced me, my husband an kids we are totally done.[/quote]

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