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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I moved to CA six years ago and our immediate families are both on the east coast and all live in the same area. We’re both very independent normally so the move across the country, and seeing family 1-2 times per year, has not bothered us in the past.  We own a small house here and have a one year old.

I’m not sure if its a combination of our baby growing up and corona isolation which has made us reconsider whether we should move to be closer to family.  While we own a house here and [i]could[/i] upgrade, [b]our money would go so much farther near where our parents live[/b].  We also both grew up within 2-6 hours driving distance of extended family, and now all of our family is across the country and most have never visited us, even before corona happened, and probably wouldn’t in the future.  [b]We are also black and there are very few black families where we live[/b], whereas the cities we grew up in have a much higher percentage of black people.  I knew that would be an issue when we moved here, but i didn’t appreciate how much it would bother me when raising a child.

[b]We moved from the east coast for work and it has been great for me[/b].  I’ve gotten better experience here and there are more interesting opportunities in my field; I felt very lost on the east coast and like i did not have good opportunities.  Some of that could be explained by me being relatively entry-level back then, but its obviously hard to tell.

My husband has left the decision up to me (because moving to CA was his idea) and I’m at a loss.  He would prefer to go back to the east coast, but he would rather go to the south (NC/ATL) because of the cheaper cost of living.  We want this move to be our last and I’m very hesitant to Move to another unknown city.  So for me the decision is to stay in CA and move to a bigger house or to move back to the area where we grew up.  While I like CA, I’m worried that my child will miss out of close family relationships because of the distance.  I’m also worried about the lack of black diversity here.  We do have some friends here, but i dont think the friendships are an anchor keeping us here.  On the other hand, moving closer to family means the emotional burden of family obligations and a potentially less fulfilling job.  Where we grew up is fine, but we don’t [i]love[/i] it and [b]we’d just be moving there for family and housing reasons[/b].

I’m looking for advice on how to make this decision.  Has anyone moved far from family and how did that affect your child?  What would you do or consider in this situation?  Any advice welcome.  [/quote]

OP, I tried to highlight the pros and cons that you mentioned. Sure, being close to family CAN be nice, but in my opinion, it should not be the defining factor. The pro of staying in CA is that you are professionally fulfilled. That is not something to dismiss at all, but is there anything else? The pro of moving to the east coast would be cheaper cost of living and better diversity, which you can get without being closer to family, although it sounds like you'd get those things where your family is now.

I think you need to try to weigh the factors and figure out how much they're all worth to you. If you get a lot of satisfaction from your job (I do, so I get that), then you may not want to put your career in the back seat. Also, you can't guarantee what your family relationships will be like since it sounds like you haven't spent a lot of time with them in the last several years. Some family relationships do better with less frequent interactions. Others can take off given more time. The lower cost of living is a real factor, but again, you have to decide how much that matters to you. If you already own a house in CA, then you're not doing too badly. If you were saying staying in CA meant living in a terrible rental versus buying the house of your dreams on the east coast, I'd imagine it would be a huge pro, so it's hard to say how big of a deal you think it is.

If you want my background, I grew up in CA, went to college and grad school on the east coast, stayed out here, and moved a few years ago to a lower cost of living area that was farther from my husband's family (mine is still in CA). Neither my husband nor I are sad that we aren't closer to his family. I kind of wish we were closer to mind, but my parents live in a resort-type area that would not be conducive to us working, so it's kind of a moot point. Of course, now that we don't want to fly, we would still be able to see my parents if we at least lived in the same state.

Good luck with your choice.[/quote]

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