Reply to When teen says something that is really damaging to relationship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We were camping this weekend and my 17 year old DC was sitting next to me.  [b]I look at his leg and thought I saw a tick so I reached out to touch it -- think side of thigh by knee[/b].  He slapped my hand and said something to the affect that what I was doing was assault.  I was taken aback by it but sort of let it go since he was clearly irritated with me.  Later that evening I asked him what he meant and why would he say that.  He told me that what I was doing was touching him against his will and that was sexual assault.  Up until this point we have been an extremely close family.  We have had no problem staying at home together, travel all the time together and are big huggers.  I was shocked that he said that.  I told my DH what he said and he talked to him. [b] But I couldn't stop crying so I ended up leaving early to drive back home alone.[/b]  When they all arrived home my DS said: sorry I said that.  I told him I found it really disturbing that he would say something like that to his mother but really couldn't talk more about it because it upset me all over again.  Here we are on Tuesday and tiptoeing around each other.  I am hurt and scared.  I feel like there are times in your life you remember when something shifted in a relationship and I think this was it for us.   I am supposed to drive him to college in a few weeks -- and have told my DH that I now think another kid or someone needs to come with us.  I am worried about being alone with him at all now.  I can't sleep and I cry on and off all the time now.  The others kids have no idea what is going on and I don't want to tell them anything.  What do I do? [/quote]

Take this as a wake up call.

You need to learn to respect boundaries and realize you are quite an invasive person.

Why didn't you say something to your child that you saw a tick on him?  You could have asked "do you want me to check for you?"  He is your child but it is his body. Respect that.

Maybe he doesn't like all the hugging.

And there is no reason to cry because someone provided you a boundary.

You should apologize to your DS for your terrible and childish behavior of leaving because someone told you "no, I don't like that"

[/quote]

She should absolutely follow his lead and respect his boundaries! But accusing your mom of attempted sexual assault for brushing a bug off your side knee is teen nonsense. Perfectly fine to say “hey, mom-next time please just point it out to me” or “no thanks to the hug, mom” and she should adhere to it without a peep, obviously. If my spouse accused me of se use assault bc I brushed lint off his pants it would naturally disturb me (though I would happily never do it again. Having said that-op, your son is a teen and teens are often black and white thinkers and many have a histrionic flair-no big deal. Tell him you are sorry snd you will respect his boundaries (and maybe have dad touch base abt the hissy fit he threw.) [/quote]

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