Reply to When teen says something that is really damaging to relationship

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "When teen says something that is really damaging to relationship"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I actually think, while yes, you overreacted a bit, in a weird way, you just taught him an important lesson, and I think this might move your relationship into a more mature place.

Basically - he said something stupid and overreacted to your reach. And it made you very, very upset. And he apologized. I think the lesson here is - words matter! You can't just say things without taking into account how people feel and how they will take it. He probably feels quite guilty now. Plus - you aren't just his "mom" you're also a person - who can get upset about stuff! Might be the first part of seeing you not just as a parent, but as a whole person, which is an important transition kids go through from ages 16-25.

That being said - 1) what's up with your comment about riding in the car and needing a chaperone? Are you actually concerned your kid would make up a story about you being an abuser if you were alone together?? Because that does seem like a crazy over-reaction, or there's something else going on here. I guess what I'm saying is - being hurt makes perfect sense. Being scared?? What's up with that? Do a little soul searching on where that fear is coming from, it seems bizarre

2) You now need to have a conversation with him (post soul searching mentioned above). It's okay if you cry in it. It's okay if it's awkward. This is another important lesson about relationships, about communication, about feelings. But you've got to give him a chance to explain his reaction. You've got to tell him you're glad he has personal boundaries about touching, and that will serve him well. You've got to apologize for touching him, and for overreacting to what he said. You've got to explain YOUR reaction, and how being accused of abuse is very serious, and upsetting. You've got to hear him out. That'll get you past the "tiptoeing" staging - and like I said above, really has the potential to move your relationship to a more mature place.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics