Reply to If your relationship is/was rocky, how did you decide to go?

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Reply to "If your relationship is/was rocky, how did you decide to go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry that you are going through this. I can imagine how difficult it is to admit you are in this place, especially with two children. Just curious, did something major happen in your relationship or did you just drift apart?[/quote]

Thank you. I wouldn't say anything major happened in our relationship -- certainly not in his eyes, anyway. We had a particularly nasty fight a couple months ago and I think that just really sealed the deal for me that there was no way this is going to work out. We've "moved on," but I think about it a lot still. It was traumatic. I doubt he even thinks about it and he definitely doesn't acknowledge any trauma or major event. If you were to ask him, though, he would say that I've turned into a workaholic who's unable to set boundaries. (This is true, to a degree. The constant WFH combined with total social isolation has created a dynamic where I'm pouring more of myself into work and it's the only aspect of my life where I'm talking to other adults outside of my family.)

[quote=Anonymous]I'm confused about what is happening:  You both acknowledge you aren't happy together and have already worked out some of the details of splitting up, but then your husband acts like that never happened and everything is fine?  Or he is just maintaining the status quo in front of the kids, but still expects to split up.  Either way, it sounds like you have to explicitly ask him if he wants to divorce and proceed from there.[/quote]

The former. He's more outspoken about his unhappiness and uses it as an excuse to be a jerk and behave in ways I wouldn't dream of. But when he brings it up, I don't disagree with him. Sometimes I feel relieved but mostly I just feel scared and alone and overwhelmed. I do need to ask him outright, when we aren't fighting. I just hate starting another fight or creating more conflict. I know how crazy it sounds. When I type it out, it's like when your therapist asks what you would say to a friend who was describing the same scenario -- "are you crazy?! RUN!" But living it day to day kind of normalizes some really toxic stuff.[/quote]

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