Reply to If your relationship is/was rocky, how did you decide to go?

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[quote=Anonymous]I can never claim our relationship was ever smooth sailing; we've always had some difficulties and tumult, but for one reason or another, kept pushing through. But after 11 years, I'm tired and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. Last weekend we had yet another Serious Talk about splitting, agreed the passion and romantic love seem to be gone, and fought some more about the same old things (my take: nothing is ever good enough, I can never be good enough; his take: I'm detached, I don't "dream" and I'm overly focused on other things besides him, including work). We have two kids and a baseline separation agreement (custody schedule, child support).

And then, like a thousand times before, the cycle restarted. The next day he sort of acted like the conversation never happened. Things have been calm.

In my heart of hearts, I know this is a perpetual cycle and things will sour again soon. I know I'd probably be a better parent if I wasn't so sad and irritable from the constant emotional chafing. But I also know it will inevitably be extraordinarily difficult to undergo the upheaval of moving out and starting over on my own -- to say nothing of inflicting a split on the kids. I can support myself; I won't be rolling in the dough but I can pay the bills and save a little. If I'm just trading one set of problems for another, what's the point?

If you decided enough was enough...how did you do it, even if things were "fine" for the time being? I guess I'm afraid of securing my new place only to be met with "I thought we got past that, why are you turning everything upside down now?" I know deep down we aren't getting past anything, especially not without therapy (which he's refused) and not without both of us taking accountability and identifying steps toward changing the dynamic (everything is "my fault" so this is not really possible either). It's just so hard to be the one responsible for burning it all down.  :cry: [/quote]

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