Reply to How to relate to SIL who shows no unhappy emotions ever?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like this is how she copes, and I'm sure it's ingrained from childhood.

Reframe how you think of it, OP. [b]Rather than see it as inauthenticity, see it as someone choosing to look for and make beauty in her life[/b]. She could turn to alcohol or pills but instead throws herself into flower arranging. That's pretty damn awesome, if you ask me.[/quote]

+ 1

Very constructive.  I also think Elementary School administrator is a very happy and fulfilling job.  I think how she handles life is pretty awesome too. A[b]nd if her dad walked out when she was little, it may have made her into a person who celebrates the normalcy of a regular life. [/b][/quote]

Another +1 to both posts above. These are perceptive posts that look at [i]why[/i] SIL might be the way she is, and at the same time, they do not criticize her but basically tell you that she's handling this in her own way. And you can make a choice to see it as admirable. since you know the backstory of her and your DH's lives. I hope you will make that choice because it's a bit concerning to me that you refer to "authentic, raw relationships" as your yardstick. Those are great and can be very fulfilling--IF the people in them want that and benefit from it. But I've known a few people who felt the [i]only[/i] legitimate way to be was "real and raw" and that people like your SIL were hypocritical or simply wrong to behave and react as they do. They're not wrong, they just have a different authenticity.[/quote]

I would agree with this, except she did talk about unhappiness when drunk, so it’s a facade, to a degree. But maybe we all have facades[/quote]

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