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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean this as kindly as I can convey through the Internet, but are you OK, like right now? Do you need to talk to one of your therapists? Because the post is a little concerning.

To be honest, I wouldn't tell him -- at least not right now. You're all over the place with your motivation to do so.

My therapist once told me that when given a choice between do and don't in terms of taking action that might be harmful to another person, even if they deserve it, it's usually better to choose "don't." I think this is good advice.

I don't think sharing this information would unburden you in any way -- I fear it would ultimately make you feel worse. It seems more like you want some confrontation or closure, and it almost certainly won't play out the way you fantasize. [/quote]

Are you okay, OP?

The answer to your problems is not related to tell him.

Does your husband know?[/quote]

OP to your question - I do not think it is right to reach out to him 20 years later and tell him this.  Based on what you said about his religious beliefs, this could be tantamount to telling him he had a kid that died (I don't believe that, but some do).  And there's nothing he can do about it, and the only thing it can do is pretty much mess up his head.

If you need to unburden yourself, write a letter and burn it.  Ask your therapist to role play telling him to see if you can get whatever closure you need from him that way.  But it would be really hurtful and selfish to look him up 20 years later just to drop a bomb on him.[/quote]

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