Reply to Argument style: YOU should apologize

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My husband sometimes acts like this. I call it scorched earth. He knows he's wrong, can't help himself, and goes into what-have-I-got-to-lose mode. Depending on my energy level, I either respond by making fun of him, which he hates, or if I'm really angry, by yelling back, and since I have more willpower and patience, I have the satisfaction of having the last word (which isn't important), and not feel abused (which is important).

If my husband were an otherwise kind and sensitive person, I wouldn't do this. He's been diagnosed with ADHD which he refuses to treat, and has some symptoms of Asperger's. Years of marriage have shown me that he's self-centered, has no empathy, and can go into fits of totally irrational rage, some of which he's directed at the kids. It's actually at those times that I yell back, because I don't want them to feel undefended. I even got him to apologize to our teen son last time, who he'd browbeaten into tears. 
[/quote]

That sounds like hell, for your entire household. FFS, WHY are you still married to him? You may have willpower and patience, but this is going to do a number on your kids, growing up constantly walking on eggshells and landlines.[/quote]

Here are my reasons:

1. 90% of the time he's a supportive and knowledgeable husband and father. 
2. We don't have enough money to avoid severe financial consequences of divorce.
3. As another poster said, the biggest concern would be abuse on his custody time when no other adult can defend my kids. On paper he has multiple graduate degrees (he's a highly intelligent Aspie, he presents well when he wants), he'd get 50% custody no problem.[/quote]

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