Reply to WWYD: Grandparents Unhappy in Assisted Living and Want to Move Home

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[quote=Anonymous]My grandparents moved into an assisted living facility six months ago and have decided they are not happy and want to move back into their senior living community home (which we were planning on selling this summer to help finance their AL expenses). They're not happy for many reasons (really, you name it, they're not happy about it--food is all fried, they can't leave their room, they want to live closer to family (want to move to a different city to be closer to extended family), the nurses are mean and mess up meds (they aren't and they don't), their place isn't clean) but ultimately I think it stems from the fact that they're no longer "independent." We tried having them live at home with hired help (medicine, cleaning, self-care, food prep) and they ultimately fired everyone (and accused one lady of stealing the cat, which wasn't true).

Right now they're doing well in assisted living because they have nurses who monitor and give medicine, meals delivered 3x/day, self-care assistance, etc. They both have a very hard time getting around, varying amounts of dementia, tons of health problems (diabetes, chronic heart problems, etc.). Not to mention all of this is happening during Covid so they are basically in lockdown (which they don't like and don't understand).

So, we say, "No, you can't move back to your home (b/c it's not what is best for you) and they will get nasty. They will threaten to remove people from the will, get verbally abusive to the family, scream/holler, throw a fit. (It seems they act a lot like my toddler who gets mad when I won't let him throw toys in the toilet!)

This all affects my mother (these are her parents) much more than the rest of us (the mental abuse from her parents if she doesn't do what they want, the constant maintenance of them while living 500 miles away). As the granddaughter, I'm a bit more removed so find it easier to say, "Tell them no. You're sorry, you understand but it's not what is best for them."

So...what would you do? How would you handle this situation? [/quote]

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