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[quote=Anonymous]My DH is an academic. I knew this 6 years ago when I married him, but he was very confident his career would go better than it has. He does not yet have tenure (I believe he will eventually get it, but it could take 4-5 more years potentially (he thinks 2 but I am not that optimistic given how his career has gone so far) and he hasn't yet succeeded in achieving grants, which is obviously key for an academic and also a pathway to raise their income. He currently makes 85k. In our city (a college town), my job opportunities are more limited. I sell software, and there is only 1 software company in our town (my employer). I don't like the leadership at this company and want to leave because I am actually not confident the company will make it medium term. My income potential is quite high. I currently make about 180k but can make much more if we relocate. My other option is to work remotely but I really do not want to do that because I don't even like this city that we live in for his job and I want to potentially move into sales leadership, something that won't be easy in a remote role that didn't start out as an on-location role.

DH's field is a STEM field. DH actually has begun to publish in industry journals. His brother (academic in same field) just got a job paying 400k in industry. DH constantly talks about this and seems very intrigued about this pathway. I like it of course because it means more money AND living in a city I would want to live in with tons of jobs for me as well. DH will not agree to pursue this path and agree to a concrete timeline to go for it OR insist that he won't pursue this path (which would be a valid preference and we'd have to work with that obviously). Currently his position is that he wants to get tenure first (could take years) and THEN tiptoe into trying industry to see if he likes it and maybe consider it. He also nurses a fantasy of being successful in academia and industry which I think is completely unrealistic. This infuriates me because it means I have to continue living in a city that I don't want to live in and not have the ability to further my own career the way I would like. It feels like all of the sacrifice is on my side so he can have his ideal way of handling things AND his way of handling things is not realistic and so far in our marriage few things have gone career wise for him the way he has hoped and thought they would.

We have a baby on the way, so this is making me more and more angry. I want to create a life plan together that we execute as a team. I don't want to live up to 5 years in limbo as he figures out what he wants and nurses a fantasy of being successful in academia when he has struggled so far (I believe it comes down to his not being politically savvy in this very particular environment, not his lack of talent in the field) while I feel trapped in a life I don't want.

I guess I am just looking to vent. Really at a loss of how to handle this.

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