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[quote=Anonymous]My in-laws are always comparing my daughter ("E") and my niece (we'll call her "K") as well as me and my sister-in-law. I know that these comparisons are normal and inevitable as they are both girls - and only seven weeks apart - and I am the same age as my sister-in-law, but I feel that these comments are always somewhat slanted in favor of my niece and sister-in-law/dismissive of my daughter. I'm always caught off guard by these comments and I never know how to respond, but I'm also becoming annoyed and really can't imagine having to deal with this for years to come! My husband doesn't seem bothered by these comparisons and chalks it up to "blind spots." I would welcome suggestions on how to handle these situations in the future.

Some examples:

-When we told my in-laws that my daughter started walking the response that I received from my MIL was "Yes, K was over at our house recently...She would be walking too, except she crawls so quickly she doesn't need to walk." What? What about "that's great." I feel like every milestone my daughter has reached - even something like saying "mama" before seven months - has been met with some bizarre response from my in-laws about her cousin ("Oh, K is sleeping through the night"). My daughter sleeping through the night at 13 weeks ("K pulled my hair last night"). My daughter pointing at 8 month ("K likes pumpkin..."). We don't speak to my in-laws often, so when we do, we end up sort of naturally doing a "milestone dump" of what our daughter has done recently. This then prompts them to make bizarre and unnecessary comparisons between E and my niece whereby my niece is amazing and whatever my daughter did is dismissed. I am getting so put off by these conversations that I want to stop providing updates on what my daughter is doing (even though I don't think that's realistic as it's normal for grandparents to ask what's new).

-My mother-in-law constantly talks about how my SIL and K look exactly alike (aside from having the same hair and eye color, I don't see it). My daughter and I also have the same hair and eye color, but my MIL has gone out of her way during the first year of my daughter's life to tell me that I look nothing like my daughter. She has said this to me, to my family, to her cleaning woman, and to my husband's family - basically to anyone who will listen. Her cleaning woman actually questioned multiple times if "I was the mother" after my MIL made a huge deal out of it to her while I awkwardly stood next to them. You might be wondering if we are the same race and/or ethnicity. We are. Not once has my MIL asked me if my daughter looked like me as a baby (how many babies resemble 31 year old women?). I would find her telling me I look nothing like my daughter annoying under normal circumstances, but for her to always say this while at the same time saying that my SIL looks just like my niece feels very pointed.

Does anyone have any suggestions? My MIL has done a number of very passive aggressive and bizarre things since my husband I got engaged (that's when it began to come out!), but this comparison stuff has come out of left field and is making me reluctant to spend time with his family as I always bite my tongue in their presence and then get upset once we are at home.[/quote]

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