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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP. We're a lesbian couple who used a known donor. We have a 2.5 year old, a 7 year old, and DW is pregnant with our third currently.

It was a big decision to use a known donor, and one that we discussed for many years. Ultimately we didn't want the biological father of our kids to be some omnipotent force that they would never meet, and we didn't really want an unknown number of half siblings out there either.

We asked a very good friend from college, but he had to meet a lot of criteria, the most important of which was that he did not want to be a "dad." He is gay and would never have had kids otherwise. He was willing to help us create our family but even now, years later, even with our kids knowing who he is and having a relationship with his parents, they do NOT view him as a "dad." He doesn't view himself that way either.

Here's what we did and what I would recommend:

- Bank your sperm with SG or another reputable cryobank. We used Fairfax Cryobank. This is for legal reasons and so your friend can have a supply. This puts a lot of legal stuff in place to begin. 
 
- SG will make you meet with a social worker/therapist alone and with your friend who wants to use you as a donor. You'll take a personality test and your friend will get the results. The social worker will discuss the results with your friend. This will all cost your friend a good amount of money.

- Your friend should contact a lawyer to determine what needs to happen for you to legally relinquish your rights to this child. For us this happened through a second parent adoption, but if she's a single mother, the process is probably going to look different. Our kids were born in DC so basically they lived with us for six months, the donor didn't need to do or sign anything, and then I (the non-bio mom) adopted both kids when they were each six months old.

- Talk to your friend about what your relationship would look like with these kids - if you even want to have one. I would get this all out in the open even before you meet with the social worker at SG. Then there won't be any surprises.

We have been very happy with our arrangement. I don't ever plan on coming after our donor for money (he has none anyway), and he would never be able to come after our kids for any sort of custody because of how we proceeded legally through the whole thing. If you want to do it, make sure your expectations align with your friend's expectations and just be open with one another before you get in too far and she spends too much money. [/quote]

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