Reply to Is this fixable (getting out of a bad relationship pattern)?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Is this fixable (getting out of a bad relationship pattern)?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Boyfriend and I had tentative plans to go kayaking today. We'd discussed it a few times, but it was going to be last minute because he needed to borrow kayaks. I was fine with last minute, but I assumed (as we're dating exclusively for awhile) that we'd still see each other at some point if kayaking didn't work out. Friday morning he was still working on it, so I assumed (since he's an adult) that he would be in touch to let me know whether or not it was happening.

72 hours later, I've heard almost nothing - just a vague response to my text. I'm pretty sure that he's gone camping by himself (he'd mentioned wanted to go sometime soon). I think that he didn't want to tell me that he'd decided to do that (didn't THINK to tell me??), and just went incommunicado, figuring that he'd deal with the fall-out later. He's done this a few times before (not following through with finalizing plans, not communicating, then apologizing after the fact). It also seems to be something that he did during his marriage.

So that's his pattern. The problem is that I take this personally - the doing something instead of seeing me (at least when we haven't seen each other recently - I'm cool with us doing our own things other times) and the not communicating. It makes me feel like I'm not very important to him. I'm disappointed that I don't get to see him and that he didn't communicate (I'm not a drama queen). When we've discussed this before, he tells me that I am very important in his life. But I'm an "actions speak better than words" person, so its hard for me to rely on words alone. The passive-aggressiveness makes me a bit crazy because I prefer direct communications.

So . . . we've talked about this (calmly and not emotionally). I realize that we have different styles in communicating and showing that we care. Maybe we have different expectations about making plans and how that should work. I realize that I play a role in having feelings that other people may not have in the same situation. But knowing this is not making me feel any better. And I'm not sure how to make this a better relationship (for me, I guess I should say).[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics