Reply to Need ideas on how to quickly change the subject from adoption

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - because being adopted isn't in her mind  the most important initial or "defining" thing someone should know about her and we believe it's her story to tell or not more than ours and her decision on if or when she wants to share any part of it to anyone we've just met.  The best gift we can give her (in this situation) is the tools to determine if or when or how to share something personal.  Adoption seems like an oddity/curiousity to some and that's not who she is, especially at an age when she just wants to be like everyone else.  Just because someone wants to start a discussion about it doesn't mean she (or we) need to go along with it.  There are a hundred other things we would like to share about our DD.   We're looking for ways to move away from personal questions.    [/quote]

Once she learns how to address and move on easily, she'll be free of the burden. Hitting the right tone of briskly moving past this bit of information is useful. I mean, you put her in a situation where she's going to be facing questions about her origins for a while, if not always. In teaching her to avoid sharing "personal" information, be careful that she doesn't pick up the idea that there's something shameful about how she came to join the family.

"I came to my parent's the same way you did: They wanted a baby to love."
"I was born in China, my sister was born in New Jersey."

Being like everyone else is boring. She's more interesting. I'm sure you also find her special in other ways as well. A line that acknowledges adoption, but effectively shuts down further conversation is necessary. I faced this sort of situation as a mixed-race child in the early 70s. Avoiding the obvious (and often ill-phrased!) questions ("What are you?") would have left me feeling trapped. Instead, my folks wrapped my difference in pride and gave me the tools to appropriately address (confront?) the curiosity of others. Looking back, it made me feel empowered. I was never at a loss. I've seen other children cringe or get embarrassed.

You're in a position to spare her all of this.

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