Reply to Advice - discipline for five year old

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[quote=Anonymous]For consequences to work, they have to be reasonable, related, and revealed in advance.

Time outs are not discipline and they're not particularly great consequences. They weren't at 2, 3 or 4 either but maybe you had a reasonably compliant kid (or one who knew she was outmanned and could not inflict the damage she can now) so you weren't given the opportunity to know it, lol.

You have to give this scenario some more thought ahead of time, or while you are in it, to make it work. Condensed, it might look like this:

"Could you pick up those pages from the magazine?"
"No" or silence
"When you have picked up those pages, then I'll be able to make cookies with you."
"No" or silence
"I feel sad, but we're not going to be able to make cookies. We'll try again tomorrow."

If she doesn't care enough about making cookies, or isn't looking forward to it, it won't work. This is where the thinking through part comes in--you have to know what she wants, or is likely to want, enough to understand how it can motivate her in a positive way, not just if it is taken away precipitously.

Taking away things like art supplies and favorite stuffed animals is counterproductive unless they are actively involved in the bad behavior (mess was made with the art supplies, person was hit with the stuffed animal). (TBH I find ways not to take away the stuffed animal even when it comes to that--our kid's stuffed animal is a really important soothing object for him and I don't think I'm ultimately helping myself by depriving him of it.)[/quote]

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