Reply to I'm never going to get married and have children, am I?

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Reply to "I'm never going to get married and have children, am I?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to look at why things don’t work out.  You have every excuse that’s external.  What are you working on re yourself?  How old exactly are you now?[/quote]

I'm being completely intellectually honest with myself when I say it's been bad luck or situational and that it's been a numbers game. I've had men interested in me. I've been interested in men. When it's mutual, there's some factor like transience or other external circumstances. I don't discriminate based on race, age (within reason), income, profession, height, or weight. Compatibility and mutual feelings and kindness are what matter to me. Friends just tell me it's a numbers game. I'd say 2/3 times someone I meet just isn't sure where they're at in life and whether they're in a position to pursue a LTR. Not to say I haven't made my own mistakes; it's taken me years to gauge when it's too soon to give my heart away versus when I'm not giving someone enough of a chance.

Now I feel like I have to start all over again.

If I have to wait until the vaccine is out to date people again, I will be almost 34. [/quote]

What are your mistakes?[/quote]

In my 20s... giving too much benefit of the doubt when guys were clearly just interested in sex, thinking that they'll change their minds and want a relationship and that I'd live happily-ever-after, because that's what everyone does, right? /s Basically wasting time hoping the wrong people would come around.

In my 30s... doing the opposite. Being almost cold at times, being too guarded, not wanting to take risks.

My main thing is that I just don't do hookups. I don't want to have sex with someone if we're only sort of dating. I know myself too well; if I have sex with someone, I get all the oxytocin and want to be with the person. I cannot detach myself from sex. It's something I've learned over the years and I can't change it (nor should I?) So I've probably sent some cold, standoffish or disinterested signals to potential partners when they seem to want to take me back to their apartment on the third date.

Well, it looks like there's no risk in that these days, at least!

Anyways, I feel like only this past year I've just come around and found a happy medium in dating. I've gotten a better feel for red flags versus good intentions and good compatibility. It's taken me til age 32 to really figure this out, and alas...[/quote]

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